Tuesday, December 30, 2008

the world is an insane PORN.

i was super bored just this night, so i came opening stuffs: hoaxes, watching trailers and hollywoodgrind.com, i accidentaly opened YOUPORN.

[i swear it was an accident, click on the sidebar from hollywoodgrind.com, you'll see.]
yes. the porn site, i dont know if it can play videos [all i saw was with prices] why its named like youtube, but thing is. i saw something OUT OF THIS WORLD.
SHE-MALES! like pretty-bitch-WHOA-girls with a boner.
sadly, others are PRETTIER than real girls [i.e. ME.]
i continued browsing and surfing on the net
then i saw this video blog with the hate response to monica lewinsky. i became curious
[dude, the news was ten years dead!]
he compared monica lewinsky's face to 2 girls 1cup
[when he saw monica for the first time he was like: O_o]
what on earth is 2 girls 1 cup?

how disgusting is it to be compared to monica's [mean adjective here] face?

so i typed on all soul searches of the web to look for the video. curiosity killed me double when i saw ALOT of response videos from again, youtube, with all of their horrified faces.
later, i saw the link and pushed thru my insane curiosity.
thats all.

i shouldve listened to the "JUST PLEASE DO NOT VIEW THIS VID" responses.

we are on global depression, everyone's on a strike, everybody's on an abnormal mania, most childrens did not have a normal family [like me] and porn's getting freakier. wtf. yes, porn had just gotten worse because of the world.

im not in a panic, nor depressed because of what's happening on the porn world, [the playboy palace is in distress too.(ive heard)]
i think the world, in just everything is getting out of shape. like having a retard boyfriend when your out standing in your crowd, i mean YOUR OWN CROWD. then you'd have a wicked bestfriend trying to pull your boyfriend's shoes out of you when you don't wanto, then she sticks off her feet to your head just to make you feel like a LOSER. or having a dsfunctional family when you know you just dont deserve it.

yes. the world is insane to me.

idkhowpornbecamerelatedtomylife-bigla.haha :))

Thursday, December 25, 2008

What happened to all the nice guys!?

This blog came from a friend (which obviously came from who-knows) and yeah, its sortof interesting-cum-guilty blog too good to deny.

pero NOT ALL thngs typed here NATAMAAN AKO HA. some yeah oo, pero most, nah.
well, girls are human too. we do stupid things and most of the time act foolish.

but all of these mostly came from the sense of 'self'
..alamo yun. to have fun and or to feel something good about other 'somethings'


From: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html

Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.


A Recovering Nice Guy

Monday, November 17, 2008

stalker ka.

haha. sorry for the title.

ang blog na ito ay para po kay pabs.


this blog is for my formal reply-cum-feedback to his'.


ayan. sorry.

hnd sa iddnt mean anything, well i did. pero im too stupid to forget that u might have took it the wrong way. i thought people would be too unsensitive as i am.

and if i do sometimes, it would have been me, clearing and seeking for the lost pieces that i need.

and i found it in you.


i cant return what you did.

somebody owns me.

im sorry if ive been selfish


i know i act too... uhm, kaw na lang maglagay ng word mo dito
i cant find my words.

yun lang.

and goodluck.


im a bummer

i made his assignment (well i promised)

skipped my band's rehersal

forgot the SC meeting

and totally unremembered my class.

im sorry self.

i love him more than you. or just anyone else.

Monday, November 10, 2008

lq blog part 2

break up, or something like that. kaiyak

oh please. woe. vulnerabilly-ty sucks

im hard as a bastard. demmet.

lq blog number 1

dunno what date it last typed this shits.


cheese cheese

LQ day number _
Sober-ish blog. Please don’t deny me, or at least mind me.
Wala na dapat babasa ng blog ko. Punyetang emoness to.

I can’t talk. Not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t bother you right now.
Just that. I can’t demand things because of reasons that I shouldn’t. There are no reasons after all, or if there is, it would not change anything. It would remain a shame.
I have regretted some things after we have been the ‘us’ that we cannot call.
Yes I pretty much love the sweetness we’re having, but we lost more to say.
The ‘us’ name made our distances, anyway/
It mounted at my spine like a cold, metal wall
I can barely look you in the eye.
I can’t lose you now, or ever. I don’t know. Not just yet.
But the mere deed of pulling you back, stepping higher, closer to you is pain.
The stairs made of my own ego.
I had to step on it to be with you.
I had to look down to myself and see how much I trash myself
I am far from my own self
I began to forget my name.
Just to be with you.
But you weren’t just the same.

I could never be the one who’d put you on your knees.
I could only be the one who’d just be beside you, just whenever you want to.

I could never be the one who you’d offer the tears at.
I could only make you cry once.

I could never be who you’d offer your self.
I could never be the one for you.

I guess this is what is meant to happen.
You would never be mine.

I am tied. Addicted.

last two months. august.september.

Aug 31 midnight

Due to ultimate soberness, sadness and all the mix of literal emotions, I began to trip and tip-sy. My head hardly dare swallow emotionless exceptions. It was my entire lethargic mind that blew me. it started to talk, and it spoke with my thumb.
So it began to question things all of a sudden.

Typing things that my heart would not even dare to say.

I began asking why the sudden change, his being sweet, and all corny stuffs

He said excuses and such but I was too pushy for straight answers.

i blew him by recalling our past summer what-do-you-want-to-call-it. It was a shame I know.

I guess he wasn’t ready for this.

He remembered, after all.
He said sorry, but I was too proud.

It ended with a bitter goodnight.
He did not spoke after my last sentence.
I went home defeated.
Minsan gaga tlga ko. SORRY NA. ETO NA TTXT NA KITA.
i had to have him back.
first dont be too pushy.
second dont block your happiness.
Did I not only found solace, but difference. I had to bring back my smile.
I had to bring him back.
And I did :)
September 1:


rarr. Hope he’s not mad. Ang hirap pa naman neto ligawan

iloveyou :)

September 2:

Hangout till next summer years.
I like the feeling.
i. truly :)
but with guilt. His id fell in the barely-closed-enough-to-post-harm canal while waiting his ride home.
But all thanks to the said sitch. He said the L word for the first time!
Well not really. It was the B word. Haha. Shortcut ng L word
Pero it’s the same. Kinilig padin me ♥
Falling ids are made for iloveyous.
Let ids rain.

September 3:

My bunny’s homeless. Kicked out from our home because of her silly habit of going out and spilling her last Monday’s snack from her tummy. BAD BUNNY.
Poochilab ♥

September 4:

AAARGH. RED BUTTONS on. I can barely move. Good thing we didn’t have classes. He went to me after class. We had dinner.
And finally said iloveyou.

I melted. Im like a sick candle.
An overgrown sick candle made out of cheese ball.
Ugh. I so sound cheese.

Our supposed 2nd year anniversary.
Octoberfest is on.

I was waiting for his classes to end at the rooftop, our school building visible. I began thinking about how would I propose to him.
It sheared the whole kilig out of me.
Nakakahiya tuloy.
It would be here with big neon signs of can you be mine written in waray
(neon: for the night, waray: for extra cheese-ish factor)
He was downstairs (agad) after my night day dreaming.
Octoberfest sucks.
It was the shit.

That’s all. :)

He said iloveyou one time too many. Goodthing I still have myself solid.
I thought id all be liquefied, but I did melt.

Confusion: he said we’d stay as the September 5-ers that we are. Wah.
Ano ng meron. Tayo na? yehes. Di pa noh. Lul.

September 6: LQ number 1:
We met after class to eat somewhere or I don’t know. We just had to go somewhere.
I was puyat that I ddnt have the mood to do anything else. I just have to sleep.
I waited for his childish antics flushed. Till jang saw me and saw us together.
mini tampuhan after.

i love it when you hold my hand. seesh

Thursday, September 11, 2008


september 11

call me loser. im sorry, i have been hastly lazy these past few days, skipped a week (or maybe two) of my every day- supposed blog. im not busy, well not quite true, i spent MOST of my time outside with HIM (ofcourse) excluding my best friends, family, my dream works and to my guilt, GOD.

sorry talaga. i have waited for this moment to happen for the past two years, and now its happening, i felt like im blinding my self and putting on it TOO MUCH.

am i?

sabi nga ni Gian:
"tinamaan ka lang talaga. pero wag mo naman ibibigay lahat. isipin mo parin
sarili mo."

which ofcourse never happened. why?
"isipin mo parin sarili mo"
like this. im thinking about ME too much. about my happiness that neglects all others.

bat nga ba? why can't i juggle them altogether?
am i being selfish?

back then i was always and the usual takbuhan whenever they are in need or worse, in trouble.
i multi-task, schedule and reschedule,plan, do and so on, yet i feel restless thus empty.

now im happy, but not complete. i wasnt yet contented of what im doing.

im always too lazy or too busy for others.

im starting to feel like im gyrating on him alone with nothing else to need.

im sorry. :(

Sunday, September 7, 2008

superhuman at work

i almost forgot i have a blog.

sorry na.

Monday, September 1, 2008

to whoever

naiinis ako sa layout ko. nakaleft. argh. sorry, bago lang sa blogspot :) HELP. please? :)

Saturday, August 30, 2008

blue alcohol. love is drug,

August 30: no coffee (again) blue margarita instead.

We got to temple 30 minutes before cut off, and when I got there, Nikki was at the gl table for the list and we were like “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”
(shouting our heads off)
Retards. I miss being a retard-nikki-like. Fun.

Nota bene: Dedicated na ata kay billy tong blog na toh eh. Or maybe highlight lang tlga sya ng days ko. Retard. Still. But not nikki-wise. So thiswathappnd.

We were at the vip room, my friends and I are beginning to get bored, Hiya pa daw ako kumuha ng shot. Haha. and so I was texting lang.

Me: andito na ko, nikki and I wr shouting nung nagkita kami.
Bly: go have fun *smiley smiley* si yuniz lang pwede mamboys
Me: weh. Y?
Bly: because I said so.
Me: yd u say so?
Bly: wla lang.
Me: sus, sesegway pa. hnd naman ako naghahanap ng boys, and hve no intention do so.
Bly: bkt ano gsto mo sabihin ko

Tas I changed the topic. I was too scared to hear the ‘L word’ and not hear it the same, bka mapahiya ako eh.

Kainis ka tlga. Stop sending me mixed signals.

Nway back to Nikki’s party, we went down to dance our taxing life after a few shots. And honest to my words, hindi rin ako nag boy-scouting. Wala din eh. Haha, a few but they always have partners.
I saw Justy (nikki’s asshole exie) and kept flirting at me, like usual. Goodthing RHED was there, we made him look stupid. Whoo. LOSER.

We danced till my feet curse vanity. (ang harot harot!) then we went upstairs, for ‘more in nikki’s celeb-ration’, to sum it all, we had a nice cheesy birthday-sing-song-and-candle-blowing-cake for her, then end up playing icings on our face, we had a toast and broke A LOT of shot glasses and bottles. FUN FUN.

Few fun fun moments, nikki left and when I saw her again, she’s like ‘go talk to Adrian, tell him..’ yadda yadda yadda.
Okay. So I play BFF again. Miss saving Nikki’s ass. Love.

Everybody just had their eyes to this crappy mid-20’s group of wild girls that looked just like your YAYA. Yes. Your brown skinned-probincia-beauty yayas dancing at the center of the d.floor, and screaming at the DJ just to say she’s cool. MOFO. Everyone’s just hating every minute of it. And btw, if ever you saw us smiling, we’re not being nice, we’re trying TO BE nice just as we are polite.
OMG. Im eval. No way.
But yeah, they’re such pretend-ish, social-climber-ish whoever.
And everyone just hates you the same.

Before home:
(the stupid doors to nica’s were still locked)
Game daw sabi ni bestie.
Came up with two stories, then we would choose which one’s fake and real, and they were always right guessing mine. Im not a real bitch-liar. YEY.

He txted! OMG. Hindi ako makasend! OMG OMG.

afternoon friday. jealous coffee cups.

August 29th :too.much.for.day.dreaming.must.wake.up.

Super stupid-ah me. I was late for class and because of the previous midnight-daydreaming post, hindi ko nagawa yung addesign ko. Ugh. So instead of the legendary ‘becbec-sermon’ I took off an hour before dismissal ( I came 2 hours before dismissal narin, or later. Bsta mlapit na din magdismis.) and spent it outside with macci, josep, and luisita.

Billy came and sat with us, tas macci was all about rob, shoot. I forgot to tell her about the billy-madness-ish im having. Whatever. Go macci. Make him jealous.

Supeeeeeer tagal ko mag ayos. Im to go to Nikki’s party at Temple with Yuniz and Jojo.2 hours ko lang naman pinaghintay bestfriend ko. Wow. Haha

Friday, August 29, 2008

no coffee for the midnight of August 29th.

i had coffee for dinner upstairs again, and like usual, im with bacteria and our cigs.
i guess midnight's have to miss us for a while.

August 29th. 0112h
No midnight rooftop sessions tonight, no smoke-while-reading, no midnight coffee cups-but maybe later I will, I guess. The night is new, no one knows. My idle head won’t move for me, or at least for my ad design plate. listening to some of my band’s inspiration over itunes, yes naman, Sadie. Haha. Kamukha pa ni yuniza haha. My stupid hands won’t move for me. Please naman. I need to draw. Wala kasi akong inspiration eh. (tulog na si billy, and wala na kong unli) Boo. I’m having visions, no, im midnight daydreaming. Billy will drop me to Macci’s place this Saturday kasi. He said he really would. I know it may sound soooo cheesy, pero kinikilig talaga ko. I’m waiting again for our next UBE (ultimatebongingexperience) A nice comfy talk, and then we would end up kissing.
Ugh. Kadiri. Bat ba ko ganto.
Im so abnormal. Retard.
I love you Billy. And I hate you the same.

Billybunnypoochie, don’t believe the last one. It’s a bluff.

Im letting my guards off again. Ready na ulit ako masaktan.

August 29th 0121h

This is not about Billy anymore. Si **** Si HD (hidden desire)
Namimiss ko na. sana gumaling na siya, may sakit eh.
Sabi ni macci cute daw siya, well I have great taste kasi *wink wink

Dalian mo. Save me from Billy. :D

August 29th 0129h
Billy’s sending mixed signals. He’s jealous (when I told him about ***), he’s being extra nice, he paid for my lunch kanina, he’s doing me favors, and he’ll drop me to Macci’s this Saturday. Ano ba talaga, I know him enough, and all these extra efforts are same back when we were still together. Ano ba. :(

Sabi ni bestie, iba daw talaga. Eh hindi eh, wala na talaga, asa lang talaga ko.
And ayoko na. ayoko na nga ba. Isa pa ko eh. Ang gulo ko din. Bahala na.

Mali yung first blog. Ayoko masaktan. I’ve been stupid enough to hope more after 2 years of waiting. No way.

Imitate alpha-females. I am a goddess. I know no fear.

Wushu. Talkshit.

Thursday, August 28, 2008


nope, im not chris brown, and please forgive me for this disclaim.

hindi ko na yata kaya. naiinis na ako. andami dami kong kailangang gawin. hindi naman ako super hero. i can multi-task, right, but it doesn’t mean i can do everything and do it just wherever, whenever. if you think i can, then just kill me instead. i need to be a full-time student and part-time organizer cum staff for my band and production. it really is not easy. hindi ako petiks, excuse me. i attend to then just same. kung hindi man ako functional like they want me to be, siguro kasi i need to attend to something better than them: studies, ofcourse. or maybe kasi hindi nagsisireply lahat ng kailangan kong contact. i swear. lalo na si jomel. i need him for a better studio and other production for the band, and contacts for the production. hindi talaga siya nagrereply. kainis. and now, andaming demands pa ng production leader/vocalist ko. boss naman. sorry na. wala na nga kong time mag lovelife. o sige na, lahat kayo boyfriend ko na. mas priority ko na nga kayo kaysa sa lovelife ko. And money, tae. SUUUPER sa pinaka super. super hirap ng walang weekly allowance. hello ma? please mag abroad ka na ulit. i need it until next year. hello SLR. hanggang sa store window lang yata kita matatanaw. hello sa org. hindi na ko makakapagpasa ng article. hello and goodbye. good bye career. goodbye high paying job. hello callcenter. family pa, magkakaaway ang mga kapatid ko including my mom. so, eto full time ulit. can’t tell mom this and that. she’s vulnerable, she’s on her menopausal time. breathe. breathe. need to be their human-telephone, they won’t talk, kahit na inches lang ang lapit nila. and as for spiritual obligations, hindi ako makacomplete ng week ng Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday mass sa dami ng ginagawa. so much for my vigil. goodbye saintly dream. hello hell. hindi ko na din mapasaya sina girly, jenjen and more by feeding them every after sunday mass. last time ang saya pa nila sa lechon kawali na binili ko, tas ulam ko gulay lang. at P113 ang nagastos ko, ambigat. but seeing them happy is priceless. it’s worth it. pero ngayon wla na. i can’t even buy them a cheap bottled soda. ayoko ng ganito. naiinis talaga ko. SUPER STRESS. wala naman akong super powers para gawin lahat to, hindi ko naman kayang hindi matulog, magawa sila ng sabay-sabay at makapagfunction ng perfect. sorry if i can’t meet your demands. tao lang naman ako. sorry. sorry.
perfectionist ako right, but still i stay with my mediocre life.

first midnight coffee :)

Roof top. Again. Midnight. Again. Me and Aina. Again. Smoking and radio music. Again. But only with Panantskie (bacteria) reading for midterms (Read: Reading. Not studying.) and me typing things (first was my reaction paper of the film Life is Beautiful then this). Boredom led us here, later rooftop-moments-cum-chill-so-to-acads will become a habit. I finished the paper, did the superhuman entrée, then spilled my thoughts here.

Besh day na pala. Happy besh day beshee!

Pucci. You make me so kilig. Stop it.