Monday, November 17, 2008

stalker ka.

haha. sorry for the title.

ang blog na ito ay para po kay pabs.


this blog is for my formal reply-cum-feedback to his'.


ayan. sorry.

hnd sa iddnt mean anything, well i did. pero im too stupid to forget that u might have took it the wrong way. i thought people would be too unsensitive as i am.

and if i do sometimes, it would have been me, clearing and seeking for the lost pieces that i need.

and i found it in you.


i cant return what you did.

somebody owns me.

im sorry if ive been selfish


i know i act too... uhm, kaw na lang maglagay ng word mo dito
i cant find my words.

yun lang.

and goodluck.


im a bummer

i made his assignment (well i promised)

skipped my band's rehersal

forgot the SC meeting

and totally unremembered my class.

im sorry self.

i love him more than you. or just anyone else.

Monday, November 10, 2008

lq blog part 2

break up, or something like that. kaiyak

oh please. woe. vulnerabilly-ty sucks

im hard as a bastard. demmet.

lq blog number 1

dunno what date it last typed this shits.


cheese cheese

LQ day number _
Sober-ish blog. Please don’t deny me, or at least mind me.
Wala na dapat babasa ng blog ko. Punyetang emoness to.

I can’t talk. Not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t bother you right now.
Just that. I can’t demand things because of reasons that I shouldn’t. There are no reasons after all, or if there is, it would not change anything. It would remain a shame.
I have regretted some things after we have been the ‘us’ that we cannot call.
Yes I pretty much love the sweetness we’re having, but we lost more to say.
The ‘us’ name made our distances, anyway/
It mounted at my spine like a cold, metal wall
I can barely look you in the eye.
I can’t lose you now, or ever. I don’t know. Not just yet.
But the mere deed of pulling you back, stepping higher, closer to you is pain.
The stairs made of my own ego.
I had to step on it to be with you.
I had to look down to myself and see how much I trash myself
I am far from my own self
I began to forget my name.
Just to be with you.
But you weren’t just the same.

I could never be the one who’d put you on your knees.
I could only be the one who’d just be beside you, just whenever you want to.

I could never be the one who you’d offer the tears at.
I could only make you cry once.

I could never be who you’d offer your self.
I could never be the one for you.

I guess this is what is meant to happen.
You would never be mine.

I am tied. Addicted.

last two months. august.september.

Aug 31 midnight

Due to ultimate soberness, sadness and all the mix of literal emotions, I began to trip and tip-sy. My head hardly dare swallow emotionless exceptions. It was my entire lethargic mind that blew me. it started to talk, and it spoke with my thumb.
So it began to question things all of a sudden.

Typing things that my heart would not even dare to say.

I began asking why the sudden change, his being sweet, and all corny stuffs

He said excuses and such but I was too pushy for straight answers.

i blew him by recalling our past summer what-do-you-want-to-call-it. It was a shame I know.

I guess he wasn’t ready for this.

He remembered, after all.
He said sorry, but I was too proud.

It ended with a bitter goodnight.
He did not spoke after my last sentence.
I went home defeated.
Minsan gaga tlga ko. SORRY NA. ETO NA TTXT NA KITA.
i had to have him back.
first dont be too pushy.
second dont block your happiness.
Did I not only found solace, but difference. I had to bring back my smile.
I had to bring him back.
And I did :)
September 1:

rarr. Hope he’s not mad. Ang hirap pa naman neto ligawan

iloveyou :)

September 2:

Hangout till next summer years.
I like the feeling.
i. truly :)
but with guilt. His id fell in the barely-closed-enough-to-post-harm canal while waiting his ride home.
But all thanks to the said sitch. He said the L word for the first time!
Well not really. It was the B word. Haha. Shortcut ng L word
Pero it’s the same. Kinilig padin me ♥
Falling ids are made for iloveyous.
Let ids rain.

September 3:

My bunny’s homeless. Kicked out from our home because of her silly habit of going out and spilling her last Monday’s snack from her tummy. BAD BUNNY.
Poochilab ♥

September 4:

AAARGH. RED BUTTONS on. I can barely move. Good thing we didn’t have classes. He went to me after class. We had dinner.
And finally said iloveyou.

I melted. Im like a sick candle.
An overgrown sick candle made out of cheese ball.
Ugh. I so sound cheese.

Our supposed 2nd year anniversary.
Octoberfest is on.

I was waiting for his classes to end at the rooftop, our school building visible. I began thinking about how would I propose to him.
It sheared the whole kilig out of me.
Nakakahiya tuloy.
It would be here with big neon signs of can you be mine written in waray
(neon: for the night, waray: for extra cheese-ish factor)
He was downstairs (agad) after my night day dreaming.
Octoberfest sucks.
It was the shit.

That’s all. :)

He said iloveyou one time too many. Goodthing I still have myself solid.
I thought id all be liquefied, but I did melt.

Confusion: he said we’d stay as the September 5-ers that we are. Wah.
Ano ng meron. Tayo na? yehes. Di pa noh. Lul.

September 6: LQ number 1:
We met after class to eat somewhere or I don’t know. We just had to go somewhere.
I was puyat that I ddnt have the mood to do anything else. I just have to sleep.
I waited for his childish antics flushed. Till jang saw me and saw us together.
mini tampuhan after.

i love it when you hold my hand. seesh