where's the spotlight?

im now shallow. im not empty. im now boring. im now not lying. im now bullshit-ing. myself. often.

"you cant have too many friends.."

well, beats me. this isnt the firstime i look at myself and laugh at that line.
you can. nothing is impossible with talk di ba?

you can have as many.

BUT

there will always be nights, mornings, and even the longest 10 minutes that you can record THAT YOU WILL FEEL ALONE.

and there's nothing wrong with that. i said to myself, i have soooo many friends yet i do not have one right now. someone came up to me and said, they have a life that wont include you.

which is true. i have a life that wouldnt include them also. like having my favorite book over coffee on a sunday afternoon alone.

funny how i made so many friends yet there are minutes when i feel like i dont have even one. a moment is forever. and so forever it will go to hunt me.

just so maybe that i am used to having around many people. too many to make me feel lonely. too many to feel alone. and now they are having their own time for their own life not including me, i feel... blank.