on falling out of love

im not falling out though, not yet. but i have learned to resist him so he could make his way to me. its all tiring when you began to think that you are the only one running for your relationship while the other half is all on thought of 'she understands [naman]' and taking it for granted. i am tired. i dont think things between are still making sense.
we are happy [i am] with ourselves-that excludes what is between us.
this is the time when i dont find it endearing to call/name him boyfriend [when he really isnt] and saying 'i love you' when i know something have had taking change on it.
it still stings when i think i will have a serious and very crappy break-up with him. [only except when i am with these particular people]

i find it more and more unappealing to talk to him or be with him.
exclude dreamy 'meetups'-i know they wont happen after all.
MONTHS have passed yet HE never found the time for our 'only US-TWO' date. considering the cons to it, the budget, and all his shit reasons; im not hoping and or dreaming of it anymore.
i prefer to think of more useful things and learned to accept it- he will never be spontaneously thinking of romantic things-and i have to deal with it [if i ever still want to be with him]

idk if this is right, but i have to do it. save me from shame. im happy naman eh. if this will lead to a break-up then i will admit this as my fault.