iamboyfriend-crazy bitch.

but i think i wont cry if he'll go just right now.
or on my clean sane self.
i think i am complete, but not HIM as my usual reason
as macci would state: THE BESTFRIEND.
i just had him back and i'm happy. i lost billy too, 3 years ago and i had him back now he's pulling the strings the hell of me. i just had my happy post but now this. im hating the thought that im pretending that WE are okay when we really are not.
okay spare me the paranoia that i have been dreadfully SERIOUS in our relationship.
WATDAFAK. he's been like THE LIFE I HAVE KNOWN FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS AND STILL I AM SO NOT OVER IT.
i will really try to hush my insane clingy self.
i promised i will try not to hate him.
i dont think i dont deserve such
i feel like im a TROPHY.
it very is much familiar to me. i used to play this trophy-thing before but the hell, just tell me if this is not real or not. i can manage not to cry the way i used to.
if i would act the way he does, id be SELFISH. if i act the same, being sweet while he being snobbish and not very giving id be a stupid loser martyr girlfriend.idkwhattodofreaks.

and i still cant call and give him the 'boyfriend' title since we dont have a date to call it official
[stupid. i do and LABEL him my boyfriend anywhere]



im sick.darn it.


i hate you. please, dont make me hate you more.