butterflies.are.evil

even after hate posts for him i'd still end the day dedicating everything for him

i am boyfriend crazy. stupid. loser. and very human.

accept it people. im nonetheless just a hopeless [put adjective here] girl
with her unique way of falling and staying in love. [or desperation you might say.]

ilyretard.ily.

myloserselfistakinganothersurvey

which was supposed to be answered first thing on the newyear's day. but yes im a loser. january's ending. whatev. i still wanto. nainggit ako kay pennyatot.

(Best song) na halos buong year kinakanta mo

- Superhuman - Chris Brown

(Best movie) na hindi mo malilimutan yung kasama mo nung pinanuod mo yun

- BALER. HAHAHA. na hindi ko naman tinapos. and Twilight :)

(Best friend/s) na laging anjan, super kilala ka na

- oh shit.

(Best buddy) na lagi mong kasama san ka magpunta

- BAND!

(Best barkada) na lagi mong kachismisan

- AD2 selected people :)

(Best kiss) ahaha

- FIRST kay billy? haha. after 2 years. still gives me shivers. LOL

(Best decision) ever made this year. ahem

- let go if you must. [or if they make you worse.]

(Best new found friend) na naka inuman mo na

- uhm, yung friends ni billy?

(Best idea when drunk) ung mang aya ng iba sa inuman

- NEVER decide. its freaking stupid.

(Best TV show) ikamamatay mo pag di mo napanuod

- singing bee? WAHAHA.

(Best loyal friends) na anjan pa rin just a text away then gora na to bars

- diwata girlfriends!

(Biggest change) na hindi makapaniwala friends mo sa nakita nila

- HAHA :) i dont hate anymore. minus pa the pride.

(Best gimmick) this year na hindi mo malilimutan

- NIKKIAHHS birthday.

(Best hangout) lugar na lagi niong pinupuntahan

- mayrics.

(Best chismis) that rocked your world

- HAHA. freak.

(Best restaurant) that tickled your taste buds

- 1611. haha. and MCDO padin :D

(Biggest issue) na hindi mamatay matay kahit patay na

- my ex bestfriend is a .

(Best prof) ay, prof na kahit walang sabihin gagawa ka

- si becky.

(Best awarded by parents) ung laging late umuuwi at nakakagalitan ng parents

- si macci. year-ender spoiler.

(Best look) ung look na hindi mo matanggal sa isip mo the whole year

- HIPPYHOP!

(Best time) ung kahit ulit ulitin hindi ka magsasawang ulitin ulit

- september [highlight here] kilig moments

(Biggest new career) bagong step sa outer world

- be the best band epal in the campus. yuck.

(Best place you’ve been) na ayaw mo ng umalis

- balay's? haha. freak nahihiya ako pag naaalala ko.

iloveyou2008

he's

eating my crappy disposition. boi, im glad ur back. :D

bullshit.

i am speaking bullshit. always.

i had this 'pre break-up' syndrome just hours ago when billy started ignoring my sms.
i was already doubting and [very not obvious-ly] freaking out [inside]
panami noticed my silence.
i realized i cannot much lie to myself. i was unconsciously un-minding the world infront of my face, it was noticeable that i was thinking harshly deep.

i cannot deny; infact i was literally clenching my chest because it pains too hard. yes, i cannot still go on without him. even with airom back being my bestfriend. no one can still replace his.



you are a hard candy. very pleasantly, sweetly taking rough on me.

and.

i hate the fact that i can't resist you.






i cant make pigil. fuckers.

im an asshole. a dumb asshole.


askajlfasjkshjgsjhkajlsajkwieyoshjkshkkjs

disclaimer

for the previous blog.

i do not know how to hate.
and i hate it.

i hate the fact that im being superficialy prideless that made me look, act and be a push-over
one time too many.

yuniz was right tho.
macci. i need not happiness now. i think i need to have PRIDE.

is that right?

iamboyfriend-crazy bitch.

but i think i wont cry if he'll go just right now.
or on my clean sane self.
i think i am complete, but not HIM as my usual reason
as macci would state: THE BESTFRIEND.
i just had him back and i'm happy. i lost billy too, 3 years ago and i had him back now he's pulling the strings the hell of me. i just had my happy post but now this. im hating the thought that im pretending that WE are okay when we really are not.
okay spare me the paranoia that i have been dreadfully SERIOUS in our relationship.
WATDAFAK. he's been like THE LIFE I HAVE KNOWN FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS AND STILL I AM SO NOT OVER IT.
i will really try to hush my insane clingy self.
i promised i will try not to hate him.
i dont think i dont deserve such
i feel like im a TROPHY.
it very is much familiar to me. i used to play this trophy-thing before but the hell, just tell me if this is not real or not. i can manage not to cry the way i used to.
if i would act the way he does, id be SELFISH. if i act the same, being sweet while he being snobbish and not very giving id be a stupid loser martyr girlfriend.idkwhattodofreaks.

and i still cant call and give him the 'boyfriend' title since we dont have a date to call it official
[stupid. i do and LABEL him my boyfriend anywhere]



im sick.darn it.


i hate you. please, dont make me hate you more.

BLISS.

_im having the major headache called migraine. i had this since yesterday.
but im happy..

I'm living my life. :D

I'm having the best time of my days and living my beautiful life to the fullest. Quite guilty that I may not have this on the perfect state [like not having the my dean’s list dreams or having my complete attendance in my morbid, anti-social professor’s class] but I am loving what I'm having right now; it’s what matters most right? I'm having the most amusing SOCIAL life. My friend’s are the greatest. I'm now free with the one-best friend theme and chainless to hearing her sulk in insecurities like before. [you know what I mean, right?] I’m having more of my family life. I'm not having nonsense arguments with mom and petty fights with my sisters. I have the most wonderful retard boyfriend and though we don’t see each other much, [we live of the same building, though] I am pretty happy with him and his absence just make me fonder to meeting him every single day. I think I have my marketing class on a slow, but sure status; minus the deadly nosebleed-ing talks with my classmates.
But the best part of it, is that I just had my LUCK back. I miss it 2 to 3 years ago, I think.
I lost A LOT back then: it became my frustration. I was immature; I was angry over senseless things always. Now I had THEM back. I am in my highest state of happiness and I want to share it to people. Mediocrity calls that I still had my loss to people, but the hell, I deserve this kind of happiness and I don’t mind if I’d be having them back, or NOT. They don’t deserve having who I am today, I am in my conceited-not-but-proud self, better, and I have the people who love and like me. i do not hate you ,though. i still have my pride. and yes, you are welcome to come back to my life. it's your choice. make your way :D

Anyway, thanks to them, I found my real friends and my real BLISS.
I can be careless, clumsy, cheesy, retard self that I REALLY am. I don’t care about judgemental talks, gossips or whatsoever anymore. Having to care about them is a waste, and I'm holding on my time.
I still cry over things, it’s the part where I know I had been over-ly happy.
My heart just grew bigger.

[im posting pictures, no one knows my blog anyway, xcpt for few people..]

****

boi. im glad ur back. :D you make me more happy.



macci. imsohappy for having you. you made me happier. you gave me the key in finding real happiness. youre the bestest. i love having bolahans with you. its pure honesty. we need bonding. imahal you to the max. super.

beshy. i miss you. we'd be having our 2nd-year happy-max beshy day soon. iloveyou and i miss you. i wish for spending more days with you.

mom. iloveyou. having a boyfriend is not a sin. live your life happy. have no rants. no one is 'kawawa'. i am not. when i am, i pretend i am not. i am happy that i came from you. you are the perfectest mother i know.

to jojo, ces, jed and the rest. you are the bestest. i wish for more days with you. ILY.

to the cast of room 1C of my dear home Sta. Fina gay dorm. i am so happy i met you people. ilove our silly-ness we're having everytime. you are family. a crazy family.

i love you 'BESTIE' title. i love you more. you understand my every rants and out(but short)comings. i wish for more beer nights with you. you made my new year a blissful start. be healthy.

girlfriends. i miss you. i miss being a kid with you. most especially having hot gimik nights with you. you complete my college years. i cannot imagine myself if i ddnt meet you.

potpot you are very much loved. i am happy because you trust me. i am happy with your vain ego-centric self.

my band you are not vulnerable. we are just so busy. stay bein sync. iloveyous. expi. please stay out of smoke. rj, baby. i am lucky to have you. you are my everyday sunshine. please make me stop hating your kalat. jomel, you are very pogi. i'll be your girlfriend soon. no joke here. macci. you are very bright. ilove your compos. i read it on your blog. im excited.

macky. i miss and will miss very single second youre not with us. i am a fan of your blog and your lovestory. stay happy.

i miss you. i love your gm's though it kept my fone full. atleast you update me. no one can replace you.

no one can replace you either.our bond is more than friends. we're.. brothers? haha! :D

iloveyou. even though we fight a lot.i hope our bond gets better-est.


baby moi. i miss you. you're the best stress ball i ever had. all thats left for me are scars-that you made yourself. iloveyou. im excited the next time we'll meet.

BILLY.im sorry. i love you.i will be your wife.imissyou.i wish for more happy days with you.

[im sorry if i dont have pictures of particular people im thankful of. like khan, ken-bobo, RHAI, pwet,babs and a lot more people. please upload. i loveyous.]

I'm so happy I can die.
But not yet. Haha :) make me have this bliss longer-or maybe forever?

"the greatest honor you can offer to God, is by living happy with his teaching." -sabi ni priest kanina

i love you Almighty Father. Thankyou for my beautiful life that i do not deserve. _
continue blessing these people. to bless them is my bliss.

the world is an insane PORN.

i was super bored just this night, so i came opening stuffs: hoaxes, watching trailers and hollywoodgrind.com, i accidentaly opened YOUPORN.

[i swear it was an accident, click on the sidebar from hollywoodgrind.com, you'll see.]

yes. the porn site, i dont know if it can play videos [all i saw was with prices] why its named like youtube, but thing is. i saw something OUT OF THIS WORLD.

SHE-MALES! like pretty-bitch-WHOA-girls with a boner.

and really, THEY LOOK LIKE MOTHERFUCKING GIRLS.
sadly, others are PRETTIER than real girls [i.e. ME.]

i continued browsing and surfing on the net
then i saw this video blog with the hate response to monica lewinsky. i became curious
[dude, the news was ten years dead!]
he compared monica lewinsky's face to 2 girls 1cup
[when he saw monica for the first time he was like: O_o]

NWAYS
what on earth is 2 girls 1 cup?

how disgusting is it to be compared to monica's [mean adjective here] face?

so i typed on all soul searches of the web to look for the video. curiosity killed me double when i saw ALOT of response videos from again, youtube, with all of their horrified faces.

later, i saw the link and pushed thru my insane curiosity.
*chenen*

IT WAS UBER DISGUSTING.

thats all.

i shouldve listened to the "JUST PLEASE DO NOT VIEW THIS VID" responses.

we are on global depression, everyone's on a strike, everybody's on an abnormal mania, most childrens did not have a normal family [like me] and porn's getting freakier. wtf. yes, porn had just gotten worse because of the world.

im not in a panic, nor depressed because of what's happening on the porn world, [the playboy palace is in distress too.(ive heard)]
i think the world, in just everything is getting out of shape. like having a retard boyfriend when your out standing in your crowd, i mean YOUR OWN CROWD. then you'd have a wicked bestfriend trying to pull your boyfriend's shoes out of you when you don't wanto, then she sticks off her feet to your head just to make you feel like a LOSER. or having a dsfunctional family when you know you just dont deserve it.

yes. the world is insane to me.

iam.

idkhowpornbecamerelatedtomylife-bigla.haha :))

What happened to all the nice guys!?

This blog came from a friend (which obviously came from who-knows) and yeah, its sortof interesting-cum-guilty blog too good to deny.

pero NOT ALL thngs typed here NATAMAAN AKO HA. some yeah oo, pero most, nah.
well, girls are human too. we do stupid things and most of the time act foolish.

but all of these mostly came from the sense of 'self'
..alamo yun. to have fun and or to feel something good about other 'somethings'

bstahirapexplain.

From: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html

Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy