Sunday, May 17, 2009


YAY IM BORED! [got this from macci. FUN EH!]

Ten things you wish you could SAY (don't tell us who it is)
1. You forgot about the dreams we made since we learned how to have one. but what the heck, all i can do now is to accept things. goodluck with that. i still have your back no matter what.i do love you. i love you more than anyone else i guess :)
2. I love you. I wish i could spell it to you more often. i do not know why i sometimes feel like i dont. (-_-)
3. One hell of a bullshit you are. just go and run to your deary now since you cant keep the words you have had me. I wont help you find the shoes you want now. and i wont listen to your rants. i had enough.
4. IM SORRY. i dont know why solitude felt so good that mobiles makes me sick.
5. I miss you more than ever. and i want you back. the heck, i cant i know you dont want me na e. and i need my pride and my sane self i guess but i want to go home to you. oh deary i sound so cheesy i wish i can say this to you.
6. Sometimes i dont get you. Oh well, everyone's have their pretty weird self. but i want to know you more :) our talks arent enough
7. YOURE MY STAR! you make me perfectest afternoon AND save me from insanity and thinking imaturely deep everynight. iloveyou :) adopt me please
8. EEE. im so curious i want to know you really. can i keep you? :)
9. Im sorry if im confused or whatever right now. please dont hate me. i just need to clear myself and have coffee with you. er. please sing for me.
10. YOU! BABASAGIN KO BALLS MO! [you know who you are. iloveyou :)]
Nine things about YOURSELF:
1. I eat alot and throw up alot
2. I have an abnormal body clock
3. Im numb. i think
4. Im inlove with morrocan mint tea lattes
5. Im a chain smoker
6. I love bananas and hates it the same. (i cant chichi eh)
7. I now love atozzio im loving the slow rnbs :)
8. Im trying to be Gustav Klimt and Egon Schiele. TRYYYYIIIINg SOOOO HARD.
9. I cant remember
Eight ways to WIN your heart:
1. Have me a good convo. {i dont need bolas though} but dont be good enough to make you my KUYA.
2. Dont flirt back when i do until i say i love you.
3. Dont stalk me.
4. Bring me somewhere. i want dates that includes roadtripping ala GTA :P
5. Spoil me though im telling u not to [its a bluff]
6. Let me spoil you the same. and appreciate it. AND PAKIPOT-ish appreciation pla.
7. NEVER EVER stop me from doing things.
8. Be hard to get. makes me fall everyday eh.
Seven things that cross your mind a lot through the day:
1. honestly? OMG i need to level this thingy first before bebe wakes up (HAHA i know you dont get it)
2. will i eat?
3. i will do this that...
4. but my lethargic body's not moving oh no. zzzz
5. i smoke too much. and im smoking again.
6. omg i miss you. why?
7. where's my fone again?
Six little STUPID things you want to happen to you before you die:
1. say goodbyes
2. go to church and have the longest prayer. not stupid pero i want eh!
3. EAT LIKE CRAZY. the diet had stopped me from eating good food.
4. YOU.I will kiss you very passionately that will make you kneel at me. HAHA!
5. BE WITH EVERYONE. ah no this is not stupid. MAKE EVERYONE PLEASE ME. haha
6. burn beato. >:D
Five turn offs:
1. talks too loud, too much
4. smokes too much
5. faker.[or i think]
Four turn ons:
1. i know how to have fun. aha aha.
2. im good with ukays! [new talent]
3. I uplift pretty well. ^__^
4. im sweet! [i think]
Three smiles that describe your life:
1. :D
3. ';...;' or >:D
Two things you wish you never did:
1. Fell in love too much
2. learn how to smoke
One confession
I do loser-ish things now because IM BORED!!! atleast im good *wink wink*

Friday, May 8, 2009

its 6 and a half in the morning and i havent had any sleep yet.fuck you wifi. bumukas ka.

im currently filling my heavy head with jivvy no feel good songs since lulling songs tend to make me emo than any better.

it kinda makes me up when i think i need to dine on a hefty dosage of sleeping pills and die with it.

im guessing that im carrying my heaviest cross since the latter ones. prolly im enjoying solitude and online games and had them my smiles :)

but i sucks that it adds up to my problems since its happiness package includes zits with it. [i have a big one right now at the most awkward place of my face]
yes. a pimple is still a problem. im still a girl. ikr.

i think i really need to see some psychiatrist or attend counseling before i get worse.
me prefer suicide than having to murder someone else than me though.
i now have this super talent of staring at the computer for 24 hours. congratulations.

101st post: summer epilogue

this post will be the over run of the thoughts i had since last week and of this moment

to be honest, nothing came that had me pretty well.

not even the coffee chats with macci, tea lattes with bebe, or roadtrips and beer sessions with my friends
maybe it kept me excited, or had me to smile for a while

but there was no fulfilment, rather hapiness to it

that stayed with me longer than sadness did.

my numbness had me gone feeling bliss as well.

now i cannot feel pain nor joy.

im a complete disaster.

of the ME that's seeing pretty small things and finding solid joy with it and literally crying over spilled milk.

i became the nightmare of my own dreams.

because of the mere wanting to become mature since everything had been childish to me.

i am now crying for reasons that i do not know.

this is me today.

i now cannot find reasons why i do because i always tend to forget painful things or feel if it did hurt at all.

ganon na ngaun. i cry, i ask why and the question remained still.

and it pains me more that seeing myself the same; and as much as i want to go back, i cannot. no matter how much i kill myself for it.

i hate explanations. period. but i am explaining right now because i think i'll go crazy if i dont.


yun lang. gsto ko lang tlga magmura.

life's bitching me bigtime.

last february, i was making my death bilins because january was so perfect and i thought i was about to die for superb bliss i was having. before i knew it, i lose everything. not even my hands could try to catch them back to me
thats how unfair life had been kicking me.

not even my wildest nightmares. ATE. TANGINA TLGA.

i feel so sick of this everyday that i cannot look to people and taunt them 'sucks to be you' reason that MY LIFE SUCKS more than anyone knows.

im miserable. everyone that hates me can now laugh. shit you all.

i had been so dreamy all along, i forgot that not all dreams come possible.

not even expectations that you had since youve learned how to have them.

major thing that ran to me? [since exie days]
you can never change people the way you want them to.

fuck to that, i cannot even change what's happening to my life. because it wasnt me that could maneuver it.
and i cannot turn back time.

all i can is the possible power of accepting things and cry. worth while the tears are smiles.

but when can i look at the mirror with the same girl i had few months ago wearing a real smile, when she cannot feel happiness and pain of the numb girl staring back at her?

im sorry jihan. emo na ko ulet eh.